Pretty sure that was my twelfth poo of the day. Ouchie.

Thinking of pitching a show to mtv where each week the readers of the Star and the readers of the Daily Fail go head to head in choosing the weirdest sex match ups from the headlines of there own papers for the relevant week. Whoever they choose them appear on tv (post watershed) and just furiously nosh each other off for the full half hour show for 6 days then on day 7 we can all phone/text/email in to decide who the best nosher is. So for example we could have (representing the Star) Katy Perry and Duncan Bannatyne vs (Daily Fail) Fern Britton and Nick Griffin. Not sure what to call the show though. It’ll come to me.

I fucked off the iPhone and have gone android. Yeah you heard me bitches, that is how I am rolling.

When will I ever learn? Spending a 2 day weekend with 2 monumental hangovers is just stooopid. After all, at 35 I’m positively ancient.

Want

Behold! The gash of Bongo!

I have a 3 inch gash on the top of my head caused by high wind + car door. So far it hasn’t hindered any of my performances gerkkk

Could it be too late. Dunno, I’ll check

I had half a bottle plus 3 samosas for breakfast today. Now I feel sick. The end.